In all the interactions I have had with the men here, there is an overarching preoccupation with marriage. Everywhere I have been so far, the men, have without fail posed me the question "you married?" Yesterday, was the heights. I had gone to a local bazaar near the makhtaba to buy some stuff with my friend.So there was this young fella...a shopkeeper who asked me where I was from and if i was married...when i replied in the negative, he asked me "You marry me?" in a manner that could be construed as part joke-part serious.....I was quite taken aback...but like all things in Egypt...i just laughed it off saying vociferously " la, la" (thats No in Arabic ).
Then another incident was in one of the many branches of the passport office ....I was in the office and there were this particular gentleman who was asking me questions about India...population, religion, general stuff...he couldn't speak english properly...but he was in charge of approving my residence permit. So i went along with the conversation. Then we were suddenly talking about India being a big country with a large population ...and then he asked "you married?". We were discussing population disparity ...about how families in the villages have large families and urban populace prefer more compact families. So this man probably gets ideas in his head. He then went a step further and asked if I were to be married, how many children would i prefer. Man that question really caught me off guard...as if my answer had any bearing at all on my residency permit.
When i mention an overarching preoccupation with marriage, its not so much the marriage that they are obsessed with. It is women and sex. The reason why they ask about marriage is because, for them its haram to have a liason with a married lady. So the proverbial bakra is the unmarried women. The problem is deep rooted in the society...its a cultural thing for them.
So its all right to kiss and hug someone from the same sex, but not the opposite sex!!! That would be a shameful thing to do. But if you watch the cable channels, there is skin everywhere, music videos ( arabic and western and Indian too)!!! Can you imagine a rap video in Arabic...which is a wannabe-western type..so the guy tries to look like a clone of enrique iglesias, with a constipated look on his face and the women are no better than some of the girls in our very own punjabi videos, but obviously failing miserably to convey the image !!! I am not saying skin show should not be there...but the contradictions are just too apparent. The media is all prevalent and it enters the living room of every household and then the women are expected to dress in a particular way and men and women are supposed to interact in a particular way...so its really strange u know...
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3 comments:
Not that much different from India is it? Aren't we taught traditionally that a woman is 'safe' under the protection of her father or husband?
At some level it made me laugh. All men peak at a woman's hand to figure out her marital status- the Arab's just seem to be articulating what the rest of male-kind is obsessing about.
Reminds me of that book we read in nagpal's class, the one by kakkar- and tip-of-the-tongue strikes again! can't remember the name.
Its "Intimate Relations" by Sudhir Kakkar. Remember the chapter on proverbs demeaning women?
Oh yes. You know, we seem to have beaten the 'female subordination' theme to death; and it doesn't seem to be getting anywhere.
Perhaps its time to open up the pandora's box of the male mind. I think a patriachy constraints the men in roles, as much as it constrains women. Some wear chains of iron, while others wear chains of gold.
Perhaps its time to look at the time where the innocent boy who loves his mother and sister, turns into the willful youth who finds identity in controlling them. What happends in that space? Is the entire answer socialization? Can education change it? Is it innate? Does it leave the male mind healthy and whole?
aaarghhhh! the entire splew of questions- still driving soceity insane!
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